


We Love Like Fools

by rubychan05



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Falling In Love, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 01:49:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3551543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubychan05/pseuds/rubychan05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he was a little boy, Merlin’s mother used to tell him stories about princesses who died for love, heroes who put themselves through hell just to be able to hold their beloved’s hand. </p><p>She thought they were romantic. Merlin thought they were stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Love Like Fools

When he was a little boy, Merlin’s mother used to tell him stories about princesses who died for love, heroes who put themselves through hell just to be able to hold their beloved’s hand.

She thought they were romantic. Merlin thought they were stupid. At six years old, he didn’t understand why someone would put themselves through all of that. Why would you stay with someone if all it gave you was pain? And why did the princesses watch silently from afar as their princes married other women?

It just didn’t make sense. Hunith laughed when Merlin tried to explain how foolish the characters were and hugged him close, telling him he’d understand one day. Merlin hoped not; he didn’t ever want to be like those stupid princes and princesses.

Will’s family moved into the village three weeks later.

Will was bossy, and obnoxious, but he looked out for Merlin anyway and Merlin worshipped him for it. He tagged along behind the other boy wherever he went, and Will lapped up the attention as if it were merely his due. Life for Merlin was divided into just two parts: Before Will and After Will.

For Merlin’s eighteenth birthday they went stargazing, sipping stolen ale and pretending they knew the names of the stars. Looking at Will in the light of the fire, his hair ringed by a halo of moonbeams, it seemed only natural for Merlin to kiss him. Except that Will pushed him away, shaking his head regretfully.

Merlin just shrugged and smiled, settling back on the grass and continuing to pick out star clusters. It was nothing to cry about. Will was just a boy, and Merlin had decided long ago that he wouldn’t break his heart over someone he couldn’t have.

When he moved to Camelot, Merlin’s life changed in more ways than he could count. After a lifetime without, he finally had a father figure. He had a job that didn’t involve planting crops or tending chickens. He was finally learning how to control his gift.

Of course, his magic was also suddenly something that could get him killed at any moment, and he had to mostly use it to keep Arthur’s pratly head upon his shoulders, but you couldn’t have everything.

At first Merlin thought he might be falling for Gwen, but he soon realised that she was nothing more than a good friend. No one else caught his eye and Merlin assumed that his tastes were obviously inclined towards men, and men alone.

And then Freya came.

Freya was sweet, and scared, and so grateful for Merlin’s kindness that his heart hurt just looking at her. Kissing her felt right and pure in a way that Merlin couldn’t really describe. He found himself planning a future for them, away from Camelot. Just them against the world, fighting for a chance to be together. Because there was something missing in his life, an ache in his chest that just wouldn’t go away no matter how much time he spent goofing around with Arthur. And perhaps Freya was the answer.

So Merlin planned, and hoped, and prepared to leave everything he knew behind him once again. And instead found himself presiding over a funeral, watching her body float out across the lake. It hurt – because Freya had been sweet, and scared, and hadn’t deserved to die – but he’d forced the grief down because it made sense to. He wouldn’t be like the lovers of myth, following their companions into death because they had no more reason to live.

He had a reason to live. He had Arthur.

Arthur, who came to find him because he realised Merlin was upset. Arthur, who actually apologised, in his own roundabout way, for treating Merlin like the servant he was. Arthur, who Merlin was willing to die for.

Arthur, who had proven himself willing to die for Merlin.

So Merlin pushed on after Freya, like he had after Will, and slowly life began to reassemble itself. He did what Arthur asked him to and what Arthur couldn’t find the words to ask of him. He defended Arthur from every threat that came his way and was rewarded with a trust that surpassed even that given to Arthur’s knights.

He was Arthur’s closest friend, the first person Arthur turned to in times of crisis, and it was with a certain measure of horror that Merlin realised he wanted to be more. Because Arthur had never shown any interest in men and likely never would. Because Arthur would have to marry and produce an heir.

And, most importantly, because Arthur was already head over heels with Gwen.

At this point, Merlin should have given up and moved on. He should have done what he did after Will, and refused to care. Except that he did care and he couldn’t stop himself. He watched Arthur watching Gwen and had to look away. He heard Arthur’s flirtatious words, and wanted to block his ears.

He loved Arthur, in that foolish, unending manner which he had always ridiculed storybook heroes for. Had probably loved him for years, even when he thought his heart belonged solely to Freya. No one captured his interest like Arthur did. No one made his heart race, and hurt, and break, like Arthur did.

So he did what he had always sworn he would never do and watched silently from afar as Arthur married Gwen. He contented himself with friendship and hid his feelings away, lest Arthur realise and blame himself.

And when Arthur fell in battle, it seemed only natural for Merlin to fold himself into the ground and wait for Arthur to be reborn.

Because a life without Arthur in it would be no life at all.  

**Author's Note:**

> Merlin. How I miss thee.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr under [rubychan05](http://rubychan05.tumblr.com/).


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